In, out and in the world

To all of you,

In het nederlands begin ik mijn verhaaltje maar in het 'klooster' heb ik dagenlang geschreven in het engels. Zo ook dit reisverslag. Lichtelijk gehaast ben ik nu,  maar bovenal overprikkelt. Excuses als niet iedereen het kan lezen, maar believe me; een tolk is everywhere. De volgende keer wordt het gewoon weer mijn eigen taaltje.

With pink colors still left on my face but mainly on my nails (Holi festival surely messed me up), together with Paul, we left Jaipur in the early morning. Our busride took longer and more uncomfortable than expected; In a small cabin with our face in a sun that was way too close we sat with five people. Delhi as a destination became reality after 8 hours. All I had in mind was; Make sure that you will reach Dharamsala (or McleodGanj) in time. Usually it takes 13 hours from Delhi to Dharamsala. However, once in Delhi they told me all busses had already left and the trains had waitingslists over 40 people. But I had to be determined, and so I was. I walked into Delhi (I call it the town of the most intense sensory inputs) and in an unknown area I found an older man who decided to help me in my quest for transport. This help came with a relatively high price, and of course some small moves. But it didn't matter, I got my transport. Within an hour I was at the right busstop. But first I had to go get my backpack and say goodbye to my dear buddie Paul. In this rush I continued to ' be' until the moment I entered the Meditation Centre, high up in the Himalayan mountains. My busride there went fortunate for the first 6 hours. After that, a little bit more unfortunate. Some problems with the wheel. I started wandering: Am I not supposed to go? For 8 hours we had to wait somewhere aside the road. Gladly there was a Socrates-look-and-be-alike man who took the role of my protector. He provided me with some exciting ghost stories and allowed me to lie on him so that, at least, I could sleep for a bit. That's what I did after a mini car picked us up to continue on another 12 hours. Soc's legs where heavenly at that time as I was not able to leave my head anywhere. The ride into the Himalayas was beyond beautiful. Totally cut of from the real world, surrounded by mountains with an enormous height was the location for the course. I could see icetops everyday, and so that's what I did. And still I was too late for the course. However, I got my answer to my previous question immediately. As my feet entered the centre I just heard them calling my name next on the list. I went from crowd to silence. Literally silence for it was our duty to keep silence until the end of the course, no talking. Before this time I had been laughing, talking, again laughing, hugging, smoking, drinking (coffee), walking around, exploring the areas. Apparently that was enough for now. Of course, as always, I felt resistance at the beginning. "I am already happy", " I would rather take these ten days to see more of India", "I don't need anybody to tell me their truth or give me restrictions", "I want to smoke", "I don't want this structure". Luckily, these non-stimulating thoughts left my mind pretty quick. I knew these were just my own lies to prevent myself from looking into myself, or reconsider my current life status. At the opposite of these disencouragements there was, of course, only positivity, gain and good things to come out of it. Common sense eventually made sure that I could start the course with an open but most of all willing mind.
I have two teachers, both out of the western world. There's also a Yoga teacher from Holland. He is centrainly responsible for my laugh-moment of the day because of his hilarious english (I KNow and I T(h)ink). He puts us in the weirdest positions and is able to say the right words at the right time and posture. I'd say, use your own imagination. The first 6 days we meditated and had classes. They teached us everything about Buddhism, the basic from top to bottom. For the coming two days I will be in trains and busses and will take time to clarify my notes from the lectures. I think these ideas are good for sharing, so after a couple of days it might as well be that I will include a Buddhist lecture on this blog. If it was interesting to me, why not for you. The first thing they told us when we entered the Gompa: " We are suffering" ... Yeah, that's what I thought after 1,5 months of travelling through incredible India. But still, maybe we are. Their idea about the world and our mind has waken a lot of people up. Think about a couple of things, where are you looking for your happiness? Outside or inside? Who provides you with happiness? Your loved one, your friend, your cigaret, your music, your work, your book? And than who creates your unhappiness? Attachment and aversion are the reason why we are stuck in this illusion that everything from the outside is responsible for our happiness, while the only source is yourself. Nobody provides you neither happiness nor unhappiness. The source of our suffering (as they call it) is ignorance. We think wrong and based on that our mind perceives the world in an incorrect way. What we see is our mind, and if it's structured in a very unpleasant way, your world becomes like that. Sometimes the theories and philosphy behind it became a lot to grasp. You can understand their idea, but can I really feel it? However, I learned and I am still trying to let everything sink in. The last two days where filled with meditations only. Even though I haven't talked to anybody on the course, they still feel as people I know. The vibe that was created within these ten days where something I will never forget. At the end, we are all looking for happiness and trying to find a way to make the best out of our lives. I came out of the place with many more realizations and appreciation for every living being. For now, being in the city again, talking again, being on internet, is making me realize how many sensory inputs we have which make our minds so chaotic at times. But, there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. I will be smoking and drinking tonight. I will be laughing and doing anything I want to do, but knowing that my hapiness is not dependent on it.

After re-reading this story I feel like I sound like a hippie lost in the Indian world. But, who gives a damn. I love it

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